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Monday, November 5th, 2001

Subject:eat me, i'm a danish
Time:12:15 am.
Mood: sore.
Came to a realization last night. People think im emotionally fragile, and can't take a lot of the truthes in matters. Just last night i was clued in by someone i was in a relationship with, about their infidelities while with me. Im not bitter, but it hurt just that much more to know that was the only relationship i felt i was in the wrong, and he was the one who didn't cheat. I knew it, but never wanted to admit it, you know? I can't help but feel hurt by it all, though it was so long ago. But my selfworth has gone down immensly, knowing that. All night I questioned myself. Am I just not good enough? Do they see the arrogant attitude, and assume I have no feelings? These questions are gripping my soul, methodically plucking and pulling at every string i have left. and i know i'll never get any answers. Ciao.
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, November 1st, 2001

Subject:the whole wide world's in love with you
Time:8:01 pm.
Mood: worried.
its set in again. this general apathy, this feeling of slipping into a deeper state of torpor than ever before. I know Im strong enough to fight it [yet again] but the question has arised; do i really want to? I spend all my time trying my best to make everything absolutly perfect for that day, and at times im wondering why? I don't think im good enough, or up to any level of perfection, and that, i think, will be the downfall. In the same sense, im left wondering if it even matters, if this is just self doubt warped with anticipation. after all, one spends their entire life wanting to be truly, truly happy. and now that my time is almost here, will it blow up in my face like everything else? Then again, I could be wrong completley. It could finally be the beginning of a new, better chapter, or else the end of a sordid lifetime of dissapointments. I fight with everyone now, mostly myself. Self doubt is a bitch and a half.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, October 28th, 2001

Subject:time is a terrible thing to waste
Time:7:33 pm.
Mood: horny.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2001

Time:5:28 pm.
Mood: pleased.
before me floats an image, man or shade,
shade more than man, more image than a shade.
for hades' bobbin bound in mummy-cloth
may unwind the winding path;
a mouth that has no moisture and no breath
breathless mouths may summon;
i hail the superhuman;
i call it death in life and life in death.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:'I know some good tricks' said the cat in the hat
Time:11:42 am.
Mood: rushed.
Summoning is the power to call to your presence beings of the other planes, the Plane of Limbo, Law and Chaos . To do this you must lay down a magic Circle of Summoning and cast the appropriate spells.

Summoning spirits of the other planes is a dangerous task, the beings brought before you quite often resent the intrusion and may takes steps to discourage you from doing so again. Which spirits you summon has little effect, both Law and Chaos may respond the same, the only difference being the manner in which they discourage you. Chaotic beings see no point in having the lesson fail so may just kill you outright.

To summon a spirit you usually need some way of identifying it. All spirits will have both a Common and a Unique Name. The Common Name can be used to summon the spirit but gives you no powers over it when it appears. The Unique, or True Name, of a being will allow you to summon the being and to have near total control of it, as is explained below. As a last resort you can summon a random creature, but this can have unpleasant results.

it worked... it worked.. I told her I could do it. I found Its true name.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, October 11th, 2001

Subject:if you're 555 i'm 666
Time:1:38 am.
Mood: bitchy.
so. last night was phenomenal. we went to rosemont for the reschedule of the pledge of allegiance tour. my god. i have never felt more in my element than last night. spikes and leather and chains and whorish makeup. my god. i loved it. im such a conniving bitch, though. the people i went with were lame, i saw a friends ex there, so i asked him to get me backstage [which he did] so me and N ditched the fucking cretins we went with [who had the audacity to SIT DOWN while american head charge was playing] and got to go backstage. Wow. there was a meet and greet with rammstein, and not many people back there. so of course, i pop a seat next to Till, who ends up talking to me [in german no less] about beer, tits, and ass, and fire. i had to brush up on my german really quick, but i did a passable job, i think.. anyways. as i was getting up, he grabbed my ass and said. "Das nächstes Mal singe ich, ich an Sie werde denken" or something along that lines; i cant remember too well. either or, he basically told me he would think of me next time he sang. gigglage, knowing he jerks off on stage. I called him a struedel boy and left. So american head charge kicked ass, heart attack moment as i asked T who the band was, thought he said 'head change' [joe's band]. No one played next, hardcore suckage. Embarrassed to know they are a chicago band. Then rammstein came on; AMAZING PYROS. First of all, they march out like the fucking SS. We were all yelling 'SEIG HEIL" and Till fucking GRINNED. Cheshire cat style. So they sang about six songs, but i couldnt fully enjoy them, as my only thoughts were on how bad i had to piss. as soon as their set was over i raaaaaan to the bathroom, and on my way out, who do i run into but Gordie. Yeah so like. The fucker is a street bum looking... thing. He was on something, dunno what. Im assuming opium by the way his eyes looked. OH OH OH SO PROUD. WAS FUCKING SURROUNDED BY JACK DANIELS AND DIDNT TAKE EVEN A SIP OH OH OH I AM SO GOOD. ahem. anyhow. Gorday muttered something unitelligable and rushed off like the little crab he is. bye bye. Then System of a Down played. My god. They fucking owned. I was seriously never a fan of theirs until last night. Wow. Just, Wow. So like. After SoaD, fucking took a half hour before slipknot came on. during this intermission, me and N went back to sit by the lamer squad. So the guys behind us were just talking. and i turned to look at the stage, and felt a FUCKING TONGUE IN MY EAR. UGH. so I took my wrist spikes, wrapped it around my fist, turned to him, smiled, and clocked him in the nose. haha. bitch went DOWN. So i was called 'the lethal bitch' after that. They dont realize, that my boyfriend would MAUL them for even thinking they could touch me. pathetic lonely individuals. OH. and the best pickup line I got all night. "So uhh..wanna go to a hotel with me?" HELLO BEAVIS. INSERT FIENDISH GIGGLE NOW. Ugh. Yack. But all in all, the show was a good time. many laughs at K's expense, and her little ghetto gypsy ensamble.. i wonder if she thought the navy blue bandana really did look cool with leopard print pants. Anyhow. She got on J's nerves in the car, thus reminding me why i despise females. N is cool, but she is such a flighty whore. the girl is just asking to be raped. She's fine for superficial 'hows my hair' syntax. So today rolls around. and all day ive been MURDEROUS. Ive wanted to kill anything that stepped in my path. must..remain...calm...psych eval in two months, and if i pass, im free. christmas where i want to be; forever..for always. Bit my lip so hard tonight trying to hold back the anger, blood dripped from my chin to my breasts before i decided to wipe it away. the pain was therepeutic. and id do it again if i had to.

ciao bellas.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, October 6th, 2001

Subject:and in this moment i am happy.
Time:10:28 am.
Mood: content.
I should have updated sooner, but my own laziness has prevented anything productive on my part. I feel like I can fly. the lifesource of animosity flowing through my veins, a newfound spark of flame to the kinderlings. I want to slash the sky, bright greens and reds bleeding from the clouds in my efforts to unearth utopia. I want people to understand me, to really understand me..to bleed when i do, angrily cutting the others to save my own self worth. I want to disappear inside myself again, the frightful heightened sense of that willingness to let go. I used to be a free spirit. carefree muse without a purpose, gliding along from one situation to the next, storing away all the hurt and the pain until i fell, crumbling to my knees in a most unbecoming way. but it taught me something. and since the day i left the hospital, ive been plotting.. methodical, calculating, cunning. and i will get what i want. you'll see.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, September 29th, 2001

Subject:two years later you're still on my mind
Time:1:12 am.
Mood: infuriated.
rifled through the trunk; found the box. stacks of old letters, promises of undying need/want, threats of the brokenhearted, and one from kev, in particular, that made me giggle. i've spent the past 6 years imagining all sorts of deaths for him, my favorite involved a series of heated pins shoved into the thin skin of his eyelids, searing into his retinas while his body was hacked with a chainsaw, the only skin intact: the spot between his shoulders where my name was inked back when things were good. i actually was wrong, though.. my prediction for kev was that he would end up either dead by now, or living on a street corner. but no. as if my day wasn't bad enough, kev showed up at chilis, where i had gone with katie for drinks after work. he looked good..better than back then, and was engaged, had a job pulling in 70k a year, a new house, and a daughter. i would like to go into their rifled through the trunk; found the box. stacks of old letters, promises of undying need/want, threats of the brokenhearted, and one from kev, in particular, that made me giggle. i've spent the past 6 years imagining all sorts of deaths for him, my favorite involved a series of heated pins shoved into the thin skin of his eyelids, searing into his retinas while his body was hacked with a chainsaw, the only skin intact: the spot between his shoulders where my name was inked back when things were good. i actually was wrong, though.. my prediction for kev was that he would end up either dead by now, or living on a street corner. but no. as if my day wasn't bad enough, kev showed up at chilis, where i had gone with katie for drinks after work. he looked good..better than back then, and was engaged, had a job pulling in 70k a year, a new house, and a daughter. i would like to go into their fortitude of a picketfence perfection and slit them all, a big sacharine grin across their necks. Kev was such a bastard. I'll see him again one day, though. and we have something unsettled that will need to be taken care of; and on that day, either kev will lose his happy life, or i will lose my tenuous one.
had a few too many blue pacificas, felt like a smurf on a cum guzzling spree. the drink slid down my throat, felt like a two by four rammed repeatedly into my larynx. yet, the sensation was oddly calming. either or, i left, decided to have a cartwheel war in the parking lot with katie [i won], stole a lolipop from anthony [watermelon], and drove home. and of course, the song was on. i want to inject syringes of hydrochloric acid into my eardrums everytime i hear it.
It is getting worse/better. I feel like im on a winning spree and just cant stop, this feeling doubling, tripling, quadrupling at a meteoric rise. I know pretty soon im going to get smacked in the face for it.. but then again, most likely not. the stupidity of the likes of gravy astound me.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, September 24th, 2001

Subject:every night the dream's the same
Time:9:32 pm.
Mood: blah.
I should be happy now; shouldn't i? I keep trying to tell myself i should be. cant close my eyes, afraid to blink and i'll lose it.. i'll lose the plateau i had reached so far to get to. Nagging thoughts allude to the simple statement: "Its like an old house; put a coat of paint on it and it looks so shiny and bright, but on the inside, its the same old house." I think im paranoid. No, in fact, I know im paranoid. But it seems to perfect; to surreal; to not have the same old problems work their way back up to the surface. And i will detest the day when they do.. god, i hope they dont.. i cant go through this again....
How long have I been in this storm
So over whelmed by the oceans shapeless form
Waters getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you, everything would be alright
If I could see you, this darkness would turn to light
And I would walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes, and everything will be alright
And everything will be alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown.
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you, everything would be alright
If I could see you, this darkness would turn to light
And I would walk on water and you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes and everything will be alright
And everything will be alright
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, September 22nd, 2001

Subject:ignorance is bliss
Time:11:04 pm.
Mood: stressed.
para*noia (noun)

[New Latin, from Greek, madness, from paranous demented, from para- + nous mind]

First appeared circa 1811

1 : a psychosis characterized by systematized delusions of persecution or grandeur usu. without hallucinations

2 : a tendency on the part of an individual or group toward excessive or irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others

-- para*noi*ac also para*noic (adjective or noun)

-- para*noi*cal*ly (adverb)

Somebody please kill me.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Only the one that hurts you can make you feel better
Time:1:52 am.
Mood: hot.
Erotica spun spirals in a wayward mind; how much pain can the body have a threshold for? I want you to peel back my skin, lick around my veins, just to taste me..to really taste me. Naughty whore spreadeagled and willing; chain me up and fall ontop. Sensation of fingers tangled in my hair, yanking my head back into such a contorted position, lips open in that slutty 'o' of pleasure mixed with pain, soft moans as your cock is shoved against the back of my throat.. ideas, fantasies, too numerous to count..but the act itself, playing a constant pornographic doublefeature in my mind. I can feel your hand slide its way down the crotch of my panties, i can feel the whisper of your breath against my ear as you bend me over, slamming your cock into me...baby, I -need- you....
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, September 17th, 2001

Subject:so here's your holiday
Time:8:39 pm.
Mood: devious.
It's really gloomy outside. The past few days I've felt this ungodly laziness, it is sick. I don't want to do anything but masturbate until I pass out into a state of insomniatic catatonia. I fantasize about taking a machete to Brendan's neck and acting the part of an out of sorts baseball player. He truly knows how to anger me, and that bothers me. I don't feel the need to explain myself to him, yet I always do. Seventeen fourteen twenty three six; repetitive drone inside my mind. I want to be purged of every sin, fucked with a crucifix by the one who owns my soul. Make me your mary magdalene, subservient little bitch for you, forever.

Satan, you know where I lie
Gently I go into that good night
All our lives get complicated
Search for pleasures overrated
Never armed our souls
For what the future would hold
When we were innocent
Angels lend me your might
Forfeit all my lives to
Get just one right
All those colors long since faded
All our smiles all confiscated
Never were we told
We'd be bought and sold
When we were innocent

This prayer is for me tonight
This far down that line and
Still ain't got it right
And while confessions not yet stated
Our next sin is contemplated
Never did we know
What the future would hold
Or that we'd be
Bought and sold
We were innocent
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, September 14th, 2001

Subject:Friday night I'm going nowhere...
Time:8:07 pm.
Mood: loved.
To you: i'm afraid to look back and see what we almost became; it saddens me.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, September 12th, 2001

Subject:Your eyes can be so cruel...
Time:12:23 am.
Mood: nauseated.
I'm not going to bother with the historical events of today; I'm sickened to even speak about it. It's a tragedy, yeah.. but people here aren't doing any good by bitching and moaning. You want to help the cause? Donate blood.

I feel the sickness again, burning inadequacy as all falls to pieces in my own psyche. Sometimes I wonder about if I will end up in an asylum for life. Wideeyed wonder, stuffed up on valium and adapin; just another brainless drone.. pretty thoughts inside my head restricted by the straight jacket.. I wish I was pure.. in a twisted sense of euphoria I can visualize myself back in new york, living in the apartment with Jareth, can easily assimilate him to another in my life. I feel like a horse with blinders on. I'm aware of whats going on around me, yet I don't want to face it. I despise how people think I'm so stupid...But Jay said it best today at work.. "You cant deny you are cute; so of course they think you lost out on the brains". It is infuriating to have tried to prove myself in life... so I simply gave up. Go 'head, think I'm an idiot.. I know the games you play.
I miss R terribly; wondering if i should bother giving a call. Highly doubtful. Highly.

to play segovia
upon waking
is the highest i
might ever aspire to might
even shoot down the pain
dreams these hands
shake colorless they
cant forget and
in that way just can't defend

sun stirred
in coffee
by condensed air spoons

on the bathroom floor on the porcelain there
blue blood

from the terrace the reservoir
evaporates in the violet tubes of
morning air, chokes miniature landscapes...
none of these processes fail me
only the flower

too distant to imagine even...
thought you sleep through....

sunken eyes
radiate the bed
empties the frost
from the bars and windows
pouting torn bending image

i watch the children you breathe dissolve
i see the plain girl the plain print gown
then i figured out what was real
blue blood

remember? i noticed the morning and its sound

i noticed the scar
on your wrist as
the palms rise
to catch each tear
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, September 11th, 2001

Subject:Remember all the times you fought with me?
Time:1:22 am.
Mood: cold.
Thought a lot today about Jareth and The Big Mindfuck. Told one I care about deeply a few choice situations; have yet to reveal it all. How fucked up can a person be? Honestly? I think Jareth was the worst of the bunch, at least the others were to stupid to do what could really hurt me. I never realized how many of my issues stemmed from Jareth. My insecurities stem from him.. before I met Jareth, I was always such a confident person with such a fuckall attitude; now Im so scared of losing what I have. He gave me my self esteem problem; wrapped in a pretty pink bow. I will never think I am a good person.. I will always see myself the way Jareth saw/sees me. I will never be able to look in the mirror and see a pretty girl.. I see everything he called me until my reflection is blankfaced and featureless, melting back into the wall behind me. Thanks to Jareth, I will always have this depression, this choking sensation, this plaguing sorrow that i wont ever be able to get rid of. Thanks for the hangups, Jar...
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, September 9th, 2001

Subject:the way you're bathed in light, reminds me of that night...
Time:9:14 pm.
Mood: lonely.
So.. let us take the time to recap my weekend.

Friday--Late to Kampai. Our waiter was a freak named Calvin who refused to serve me alcohol because he said I looked sixteen. Only AFTER i showed him three forms of ID did he finally give me a drink; I ordered a sea breeze, and what the fucking bartender was too STUCK IN HIS FUCKING SAMURAI SHIT to realize you don't make sea breezes with orange juice, you make them with grapefruit juice. So of course after one sip I was gagging, gagging, gagging. Ruined my meal. Next stop off was at The Loft. I wanted to go to Dirty Nellies, but what kind of a day is it when you ask the girl what she wants to do? Considering we were celebrating my birthday. So we go to The Loft. Alright, fine. I don't get carded there, which was a plus, but I realized about three hours into the night that everyone on the dance floor [first floor] could see up my skirt. [at the bar on the second floor] Embarassed as I was, i was still fucked up enough so that all seemed alright. Until came the Revenge of the mongoloids. So we were playing quarters; and as usual, i get better the more sloshed I am. So i am seriously kicking ass, when this guy comes over. he looks normal, but if you check out his profile, he has a big dent in his forehead. You could fit an acorn in it. Then i slowly noticed the monogoloid features. So he basically leers at my sister and I, then nudges my brother and tells him we have fine asses. [me and my sister, not my brother]. So of course, my brother gets overprotective, and tells the guy to fuck off. Guy comes back whining about a half hour later about how he is sorry. All is good, we invite him to play quarters. So, at this point, a rule is in action.. for every miss, you have to take a drink, shake your ass, and sing along to whatever song is playing. So mongoloid Steve really gets into this... I think he thinks he is Ricky Martin. Either way, i was appalled as his pelvis kept hitting the table and he kept repeating "do you like this? do you? do you?" Of course, I almost pissed myself laughing, but thats a different story. So then some fat fuck comes up and kisses my hand. I pointedly wiped the skin till it was raw. The Loft got boring, so again, they decided to forgoe my idea of what I wanted to do, and said, HEY LETS GO TO BOOGIE NIGHTS. At Boogie nights, two things fascinated me. A: The blond midget girl. and B: The 6'7" negro who was feeling her up. It was a damn freak show, i couldn't help but laugh. So i about passed out.

Saturday: Caught the show. Dave Navarro autographed my hip. If i could play guitar half as good as him, i'd orgasm on a continuous ten minute basis. Twitch gave me some posters, the new slipknot cd, and a cold.

Sunday: Yeah, so I went to work today; bummed around with EJ and Tony. It started raining [pouring, actually] and we [me and ej] ran outside, so i came in soaked and shivering, and now i feel shittier than i did when i woke up.
I have a huge history paper to work on, and i keep blowing it off so I can play with my neo pets. I lead such a sick sad life.

To you: I know sometimes I seem distant, and at most other times I can be a brat, and im jealous, and self centered.. and sometimes its hard for me to tell you how I feel.. but I love you, I adore you, and I couldn't fathom living my life without you.. not again...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, September 7th, 2001

Subject:Let me dirty up your mind
Time:12:51 am.
Mood: sad.
sucking on glass is comparable to a wondrous self-induced orgasm. You feel so damn good when you do it, then you are left empty. I need a new hobby.

happy birthday to me.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, September 4th, 2001

Subject:Fuck like Robbie Williams
Time:5:14 pm.
Mood: horny.
Not as if I could just fall into
oblivion; acid induced stupor
Youth in america apathetic to all
things phantasmical, orgasmical
masturbating as the flesh hits
the floor.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, September 3rd, 2001

Subject:dissidence is here...
Time:3:42 pm.
Mood: bored.
Twitch must love me. I'm serious here. He has given me tickets to all the upcoming shows; Weezer and Cold,Alien Ant Farm, Cake, and Dave Navarro, Sum 41 and Unwritten Law, Jimmy Eats World, and most importantly ::Drumroll inserted here:: Slipknot, System of a Down, Mudvayne, RAMMSTEIN, and No One. Jeezus. I'm excited. I'm going with people from work; the three "Gold" ones [as E.J. says] and him and myself. Should be an awesome time; plan on getting plastered first.
I have this underlying sense of doom, a pit in my stomach if you will, about my impending birthday. I have to work that day. Yum for me. EJ and I spent time by the liquor, planning what to buy for this concert. Looks like Hooch Hard Ice all the way. I feel like an eeyore of sorts, harbringer of the mundane, dulled senses.
Deemo got a girlfriend. I'm so happy for him... tonight is what scares me, as D is trying to get in touch with R.. and we are all supposed to go out tonight. I don't think I can handle it without throwing a tantrum of some sort.
Irritating itch as people continue to pull and peel at my flesh. Wishing to be like in that Robbie Williams video where he is liberated, shedding skin and muscle and all until he is just bones.. I wish I could do that.

Kyle: Regan, what do you want for your birthday?
Regan: A sledgehammer so I could bash your pretty boy face in. Now leave me the fuck alone before I get mad.
Kyle: ::Walks away::

Now, I thought that was sweet.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, September 1st, 2001

Subject:Long way d o w n
Time:12:08 am.
Mood: depressed.
Good christ.. I'm such a simp. At this very moment I have tears streaming down my cheeks. Why? Well today was, first off, uber emotional. But back to the other reason. I've been sitting here, and I ended up reading over old journal entries/comments from friends/misc. wierdos.. some of the nicest things were said. Am I turning into a total sap? No. Would I still run over a lost puppy? Yes. And I'd laugh. But eh, we all have to cry, I supose. And these songs. Argh. Acid in my ears for the price of never hearing, feeling this. Tuesday's gone a new euphemism of my life in general. Free bird? Me. Incessant blather from mom reminds me of the need to by a cleaver for my birthday.
Kidding. Seriously. I love you mommy dearest ::Gag:: Now that we have that out of the way.
Craig is gone, for good. Swept back into my life expecting some sort of meteoric rushing influx of old feelings only to be met by a blank stare. I hate, hate, hate him and what he made me feel. He ended up moving to Florida with Heidi. Sayonara to the both, as she had no desire to see me before she left either. She was, the weakest link. Goodbye.
I miss R. He had this sense of exuberance around him that I enjoyed. Now of course, he is a walking spitting frothing headcase who just stared mutely at me. But I do miss him. He was a great friend.
Have my geography class with Sel; Dor's sister. Didn't quite know how to react to her, but was met by the cold shoulder. Expected. After class she came up to me, and burst into tears telling me how she missed me... I couldn't do anything but hug her and notice how much she resembles Dor.. it hurts. It still hurts so bad.
My shrink thinks I still need to deal with his death. But how? How do you make yourself feel better when someone killed themself for you? For the agony you caused them? How do you get over losing the one person who understood you? How could you get over losing the person who was there when you learned how to ride your bike without training wheels, who you snuck around and smoked your first cigerette with? How do you get over your first love? And how do you rid yourself of the guilt?
Either or.. my shrink thinks half the reason I tried to commit again was because of him; of my longing to be with Dor again.
I was having dreams, about a week before I tried to kill myself. I knew I was going to do it. In each dream, it was the same.. we were always at Kaplan's,sitting in the basement and he kept poking my arm, saying, "You're it". Stupid, I know. But at the end of the dream, he was always running, and I was following as best I could, and he kept saying.. "Just a little further, Reg, then you'll get to me". Chilling, makes me shiver.
Gods, I wish this headache would go away. Its not even an ache, really.. its this heaviness that makes me just want to sleep until I wake up in forty years. I'm not excited for my birthday anymore. I think I shall just sit here and stare at the wall. It might be fun to watch the paint peel. Distortion at its best when I give up a party.
When I was a child, I was so wierd. I liked to lick light switches. Then came the glass obsession. And now its the rosaries. Nothing church-god-bible-crap worship-y, i just always have a rosary on me. Thinking of incorporating it into my new tat. I think i'm sicker than everyone sees. Work is killing me. School is killing me. The past is killing me. I am killing me. Slowly but surely as I pick and poke at the skin. Id like to do that. Remove the skin so I could watch, in utter fascination, the flow of blood through my veins. Until I see it, how do I know I do it? Until I cut myself, how do I know im really alive? Or am I?
Yeah.. the "Crazy Clock" is ticking faster; watch me c r u m b l e
Comments: Add Your Own.

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